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Session 0120-0109: An Update... - The Therapy Sessions of The Absolut Jayarie
From the book entitled: "Why I Need Therapy: A Tale of Me and My Many Moments"
Session 0120-0109: An Update...
After having stumbled upon LiveJournal again during a very dull night of work, an interesting thought struck my mind. While browsing - and ultimately talking to - a user who happened to know my brother and UK friends, I realized (through this user, of course) that no one (except him) knew of my LiveJournal account. No one who is currently playing a major role in the screen play that is my life, I should say. So that has suddenly, and perhaps helpfully, opened the door for me to once again begin using this medium to expel the thoughts and emotions I tend to build up on a daily basis and even more so, maybe God will grant me the serenity and peace and understanding of telling my story and removing myself from those situations/feelings. But alas, this is just the first entry (of many, I believe) and with that, I should begin with updates.

However, these updates are going to be blunt and perhaps explicit. Like a writer once said, "Sometimes the best writing is when you cut yourself and bleed all over the paper."

1.) WORK: Let's go ahead and get this out the way. I love what I do. I don't like where I work. I think UCSF is perhaps the worst pharmacy department in the nation although the hospital is the number 7th in the US. Never have I seen such discord and disarray in my 26 years of living and my six years of pharmacy work. The new director is a total bitch - and perhaps even "bitch" is not a strong enough word to convey my feelings for the stark, dank, and dull woman that is Lynn - and she seems to have failed, or greatly forgotten, any signs of a social skills teaching. A good 1/3 of the staff has quit and it seems that every day someone else is considering going elsewhere. Even I, still in my 6-months probation period, have dabbled with the idea of a new career move. To top it all off, the union and the UC execs are NOT agreeing on our new contract which expired at the end of last year, so I am officially working without a contract and for wages that are 26% lower than other pharmacy personnel make in this area. 26%! So yeah, the question is not why don't I leave, it's actually WHEN will I leave? I am not sure; I want to give them a fair fight and see if things will improve. But with school now burdening 50% of my time, perhaps I should look to a place where there's less drama, more money, and a safer career.

2.) School began... Monday. I have Econ, then Psych, then English, then Creative Writing. With the exception of English, I have taken these classes last year with the same professors. It's funny; I already know everything. It sucks that I had to drop out of school last semester while I was doing so great, but this perhaps can help me in a way. I should be able to really coast my way through the next few months up until the point where I had to withdraw. THEN I'll devote time to studying and whatnot. But really, with the MGIB at $1100 a month, I would repeat these classes 20 million times.

3.) The money is still funny, but I laugh with it now. HAHA! That's a good way to describe my financial situation. Still working on a budget and a 6-month financial plan, but I'm in it to win it, so my fingers are crossed. I started filing my taxes and it looks right nice (as it usually does). Might just use it all to move into a new place.

4.) I am ready to move. I have outgrown this place. I said when I moved in that I would give it 6 months. February makes it 6 months. February makes it TOO LONG!

5.) After I read Ray's journal, I thought about Eric and Raymond (and ultimately Kourtney and Morgan). I realized that, sadly enough, I am cool off of them. Seriously. And yeah, Eric's my brother and whatnot, but it is what it is. Since he left, our friendship has been rocky at best and his little Pride trip can't change how he treated me in '07. Lest we forget the angry voicemail in January when I was at my lowest?! Raymond, on the other hand, has spoken not a word to me since he returned to the UK from where ever he was. *SHRUGS* The truth is: once they moved, I was a fool to believe that our friendships could withstand the distance. We ain't brotha-brotha; we ain't freezy! We're like associates. And I'm not even speaking on Kourtney and Morgan; those are bit players. I'm cool enough with Morgan, but I'm leavin' that alone. When he moves to Cali, I might hop down to San Diego to say "wassup", but I'm not holding my breath. When Raymond was gone, I used to talk to him almost every day about some deep ass shit; now that his boogina has returned home, he actin' brand new. *Shakes head* It's all good. I have nothin' but love for the UK peeps, but I'm cool off them until they act right. Maybe I'll heat the friendships back up. Until then... it's whatever.

6.) Tim and I are officially through. I miss that muh'fucka, but he on some brand new shit and I just don't have time for the games. Treat an anthill like an anthill and a mountain like a mountain. Treat a long-distance relationship like what the fuck it is! Telephones will NEVER be able to fully convey feelings and emotions, so I'm not fuckin' with that shit. We argued over BULLSHIT every fuckin' day! I love him and I think he and I would make a GREAT couple. BUT, not a long-distance couple. That's just the facts, son.

7.) I have a god son. Aidan. So cute.

8.) My family is whatever. My brother Ira is still a waste of space (sorry, Jesus). Never have I seen someone with so much talent and potential just end up as a big ass nobody. Doin' nothin'. Just sittin' around doin' nada. Smokin' weed. This is the nigga that my parents sacrificed for so he could get his degree while my sister and I STRUGGLED for ourselves. My mama FINALLY admitted that yeah, she gave Ira everything and look what it got him. NO WHERE. Now he sittin' around with a degree doin' nothing while I work full-time AND go to school full-time. Stupid ass nigga.

9.) I fuckin' hate Sprint. I should use my tax return to get a new phone service and phone. I'm all salivating over them iPhones. HAHA! Ya know!

10.) I am fuckin' horny! (but really, when am I NOT?!)

11.) Oh, I gotta devote a whole new blog to the boys in my life (the ones here). Salman, Dwight, Albert... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HOT FIRE!


Current Location: San Francisco, CA
I Feel : accomplished accomplished
Listening To: "Cloud 9" - Rashaan Patterson

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